First scene, Ed and Al are walking through the desert, and…….Wait a minute, who in the hell can survive out in a desert, and why are they walking? “See Ed, if you didn’t burn your house down in episode 3 like an idiot, you could have sold it, or rented it out to someone else. Then you’d have enough money to buy a car, or a horse, or at least a canteen!” Now Al’s soul is encased in armor, so he should be alright, but I don’t think Ed is gonna make it. Oh wait, he has to survive, the show just started, so it would be kind of dumb to kill off the protagonist.

Okay, so he’s walking through the desert, and barely makes it to the town of Liore, and I guess  in search of the philosopher stone. Everybody is really friendly in this town, but they also seem to be kind of stupid, following some dude who calls himself Sir Cornello, a supposed miracle worker.

A woman named Rose shows up, and is more than happy to take Ed and Al to see Cornello. She  jokes that maybe he’ll be able to give Ed some height. Oh yeah? “Well Rose, maybe Cornello can perform a miracle and hook you up with a better hairstyle, ’cause that two tone crap in your hair makes you look rediculous!” By the way, just exactly how tall (or short) is Ed?

Whatever, anyway Cornello knows how to do a few tricks, but he’s far from being a miracle worker. However, he’s able to convince the whole town along with Rose that he’s the second coming, and promises to bring back her dead boyfriend, all in due time. Now Al thinks that it may be possible, but Ed senses a phony and knows that alchemy is involved.

Well if that’s the case, isn’t Cornello defying the laws of alchemy by not using a transmutation circle? Ed decides to spoil Rose’s party by telling her there’s no way in hell that her boyfriend can be resurrected from the dead, even with the help of science. He also says that alchemist are the closest things to God, but I think he’s getting a little too full of himself, so he needs to just sit down, shut up, and let people believe what they want to believe.

Now Cornello knows a lot about the full metal alchemist, and plans to take him out. First, his assistant Cray blows Al’s head off, but c’mon, he doesn’t have a body anymore, and I don’t think you can kill a soul.

Using the philosopher stone, Carmello turns the floor into sand so Ed can’t use a transmutation circle. Then, he releases a fierce lion. Wow, I’m glad I’m at home, looking at this on TV where is cozy and safe, “Good luck Ed!” Hey wait, how was he able to conjure up that spear out of the sand?

Carmello continues to use alchemy powers to release this horrid bird, but Ed owns, and that’s it. But the lion is not done yet, and comes back for more punishment, but ends up chewing on Ed’s mechanical arm. Ed gets tired of it and slaps it into oblivion. Now Carmello is all pissed off, but hey, he’s the full metal alchemist, what did you expect?

So now we have Sasuke going against some fool that used a shadow clone jutsu to pose as Naruto to get his hands on the scroll. Only thing is, where’s the real Naruto? Oh, I see, he’s all tied up somewhere, “Well hurry up Sasuke, you’re taking too damn long to untie him!”

Sasuke takes care of business by freeing Naruto, and putting the hurtin’ on this ninja trying to pose as Naruto. Sasuke tells Sakura to watch out for his posse, but the guy confesses to coming alone, then retreats. What a fool, why would you take on a couple of ninjas by yourself? And why would you admit to them that you’re all alone? I see this dude isn’t gonna pass this test.

In order to stop ninjas from trying to infiltrate their group again, Sasuke comes up with this ridiculous password for them to remember. The question is, “When does a ninja strike?” The response is, “A ninja waits until the time is right. When the enemy sleeps and drops his guard, when his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night, that is the moment for a ninja to strike.”

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT KIND OF A PASSWORD IS THAT? Now Sakura doesn’t seem to have a problem remembering it, but Naruto may not be able to get it. Can you blame him? I can’t even remember that, and I’m looking right at the words!

Now there’s some kind of a disturbance, and everybody gets separated. Sasuke runs into Sakura first, and makes her say the password. Okay, so she’s good to go. Now here comes Naruto, and Sakura makes him say the password, and he nails it. So now why is Sasuke attacking Naruto again?

Sasuke realizes that the real Naruto would have trouble memorizing the password, so this Naruto must be a poser, and it is. Sasuke calls him out, and the ninja reveals himself, or herself, or itself, whatever. Uh oh, it’s the grass ninja who comes to play the I’m-gonna-kick-your-ass-and-take-your-scroll game.

But first, she makes sure that no one will be able to take her scroll by swallowing it. Ew. Well, I guess she doesn’t have to worry about someone trying to dig in her mouth trying to get it! Well Sasuke, you’re gonna have your hands full with this chick, too bad Sakura is too weak to help you, where in the hell is Naruto?

Oh, I know where he is, Naruto is trying to hold his own against a huge snake, but ends up being swallowed by it. Damn, and I really liked him, oh well. Is it the end for Naruto? We’ll have to get back to him in a minute, since Sasuke and Sakura are having some major issues right now. Ms. Grass Ninja uses some kind of a fear jutsu to immobilize the two of them, and now they’re in some serious trouble.

Okay, now we have to leave those two, and go back to Naruto for a quick minute. Naruto stabs the snake a gazillion times, but it doesn’t do any good. Then, he gives it a rice ball, but what in the hell is the snake supposed to do, eat the rice ball, and spit Naruto out? Why do that when it can eat both?

So Naruto is being slowly digested by this thing, and he starts having memories of everyone, Kakashi, Konohamaru, and Sakura to name a few. “Excuse me Naruto, but do you really have time for all that?” Well, he finally wises up, and uses his clone jutsu to free himself, and now he has snake guts all over him, Yuk!

Well, at least he’s free. Now he can go help Sakura and Sasuke, and they’re both in bad shape after that fear jutsu was used on them. Now he’s paralyzed with fear, but somehow Sasuke is able to free a hand, goes for one of his kunine knives, and stabs himself in the leg, to replace his fear with pain.

Now that the jutsu has been broken, Sasuke is able to free himself, and Sakura, but then again maybe not, as a huge snake sneaks up on them, probably trying to find out what their next move is gonna be.

Sasuke wigs out, and kills the snake, but the grass ninja is still alive! With Sasuke hurt, and Sakura weak and stupid, what now? Wait, Naruto is back to kick some major grass ninja butt!

So all my favorite (and not so favorite) teams are competing for a heaven and earth scroll, so they can pass this part of the test. Oh wait, fat ass Choji has to have a snack right after the test begins. What in the hell is wrong with that guy?

Well, we don’t have time to find out, ’cause ninjas have zoned in to his location, and Nara hides Choji as fast as he can. But he left a potato chip on the ground……..”Choji,  not only are you a pig, but also a sloppy one! If the ninjas find that chip, it’s all over for you and your team!”

However, they escape some serious drama, since the ninjas are blind as a bat, and end up flying off somewhere. Now Hinata’s team might be in some trouble, since another team have targeted them for extermination. However, a bunch of leeches fall on them, and those guys are out the race. Hey, what jutsu was that, ’cause I missed it!

And now back to our favorite guy, Naruto who gets a call from nature. He turns around to take a leak, and Sakura wigs out and gives him a quick beat down. “Don’t worry Sakura, even if Naruto did whip it out in front of you, it’s probably so small that you need a microscope to see it, so you don’t need to freak out over little things like that.”

So Naruto finds a bush, and comes back bragging that he wrote his name in pee. Well, how nice, but we really didn’t need to know that.

When he gets back, Sasuke attacks him, realizing that someone is using a replacement jutsu to clone Naruto, or somethin’ like that. Sasuke says that the real Naruto had a cut on his cheek, and wears his shuriken on his left leg. My question is, why is he spending so much time paying attention to how Naruto looks, and what he wears? I guess Sasuke doesn’t have much to do, but he’ll have to take care of this ninja if he wants to keep his scroll out of enemy hands.

Anko is getting all the genins ready for the forest of death, and Naruto has the nerve to mock her, bragging that he can do anything. “Oh really? Well Naruto, if that’s the case, you may want to start with keeping your big trap shut since you’re getting on Anko’s nerves, which is why she threw a kunine knife at you.

A grass ninja was so nice to return it, with her tongue? Ew. Why in the hell would Anko want something (unless it’s a $1,000 bill) that came out of someone else’s mouth? Yuk! And one other thing, this grass ninja is standing way too close to Anko, who tells her (or it) to back off, if she (or it) wants to live another day. See, didn’t I tell you she was one tough broad?

Okay, this is the deal…..26 teams are fighting to get 1 heaven, and 1 earth scroll. All teams will get one scroll, and it’s their job to get the other one from another team. This means that only 13 teams have any chance of winning at all, the other 13 are just S-O-L.

Now after the teams get the two scrolls, they have to bring it back to some tower surrounded by a bunch of forest. And speaking of that, the teams will be out there for days before actually reaching this tower. Imagine that…..out in the forest with no bath, no pizza, and no toilet tissue…..boy, do I feel sorry for those guys.

Not only that, but where’s the damn flashlight? Have you ever spent time out in the forest preserves? You may have been out there rollerblading, jogging, or walking your dog, but you were smart enough to get the hell out of there when nightfall hit, since you wouldn’t be able to see crap. So how are the teams gonna be able to see in the dark?

Oh well, that’s their problem. Okay, let me tell you some of the ways the candidates can get disqualified.

If all 3 members can’t make it to the tower with both scrolls after 5 days.

If a member becomes incapacitated or falls down dead.

If any member looks at the content of the scrolls before they reach the tower. (Yeah right, as if anyone cares what’s in it).

Now you know I’m voting for Naruto’s team to win, but here are some other teams that I’ll be rooting for…..

And now for the teams that can kiss off………

Now Neji is cute, but Rock Lee has got to go! Good luck guys!

Okay, it’s time to speed up this test so that we’ll know who’s gonna pass, and then throw the rest of the bums out. Ebiki (the proctor) finally gives out the 10th and final question, but there’s a catch. If the candidates try to answer the question, but get it wrong, they can never take the chunin exam, ever.

However, if they decide not to answer question 10, they will fail, but can come back and take it again another time. Okay, that’s a bunch of BS, I’m gonna tell you what I’d do. I would answer the 10th question, and if I got it wrong, and Ebiki told me that I could never come back and take the test again, I’d sue him.

Oh, and check this out, if an individual decides not to answer the question, his whole team fails as well. Now this is so wrong, at least give them a chance to discuss it with each other, damn!

Besides, who in the hell told Ebiki that he could make up his own rules? Well, it doesn’t matter, ’cause half the class leaves after hearing this garbage. More importantly, is Naruto gonna answer question 10? I honestly think that Naruto should just pack it in, and wait until next year, after all, he hasn’t answered a single question on his test, what makes him think he’s gonna answer question 10 correctly?

Wait, wait, Naruto’s hand is going up, and it’s been up for at least 2 minutes now, is somebody gonna fail him, or do I have to do it? What’s this, Naruto isn’t quitting? I guess not as he slams his hand down on the desk and starts talking crap, about how he’s not scared, and won’t run ’cause he’s gonna be hokage someday.

Awww, what a nice speech, he really inspired a lot of people to stay…………

even the cute sentinels are impressed……………….

And now it’s time for Ebiki to dish out the tenth question, and it’s…………WHAT’S WITH THIS, THERE IS NO TENTH QUESTION? WTF? That’s correct, Ebiki passes all those who decided to stay. He’s so lucky I’m not there, ’cause I’d slap that smile right off his face for putting everybody through that mess.

Ebiki compares the tenth question to a real life dangerous ninja mission in which you really don’t have the option of turning back in fear, hoping to fight another day, since that’s not what being a ninja is all about. In other words, as a chunin, you can’t choose to avoid danger.

Oh, now I get it, kinda sorta. Well who cares, Naruto passes and……wait, who in the hell is this guy? Isn’t he a little too old to be trying to take the chunin exam? And why is he wearing a tie? And what kind of a ninja outfit is that?

Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah, the test is over, and Naruto passes, but something comes flying through the window……what was that? Hey, it’s Anko, proctor #2! Now I like her, she’s tough, and won’t take crap off nobody. Now why she couldn’t come through the front door like a normal person is beyond me, but who cares, it’s time to move on to the next test, THE FOREST OF DEATH!!!!

It’s Xmas Eve, or at least I think it is. For several episodes, we’ve witnessed the Blade Children stalking people, and killing them. Ayumu could have ended up being a casualty, but he outsmarted the Blade Brats, and has lived to see another day. Only thing is, the tide has turned, and now it’s their turn to be victims.

Yes, there are hunters after the Blade Children, and one of them is coming for Eyes Ruthurford. You remember him, right? The seventeen year old piano star with the lame ass personality? Now Eyes is supposed to be the “top dog” of the group, but I have yet to see him get his hands dirty in any of the killings or those torturous games that Ayumu was put through.

I guess Eyes is the one providing the finances of the whole Blade operation, since he’s the rich dude. Maybe that’s why this particular hunter is trying to take Eyes out, ’cause he’s the guy with the cash. The hunter taunts Eyes like crazy, calling him every hour to tell him that his number is almost up. While this is going on, Kosuke is trying to find out how the hunter is gonna accomplish his goal.

Is he gonna use a bomb? Maybe not, since no one can find one anywhere, and the bomb scenario is gettin’ kind of old and played out. Is he gonna poison the food? Nobody knows, so some sandwiches are sent in for testing, but come back in good condition so we can rule that one out. Look, I know Eyes is just a kid, but he’s a rich one, and should be eating caviar, and lobster, and stuff like that, not some stale sandwiches.

Now this hunter starts talking way too much, which leads Kosuke and Ayumu to discover a bug somewhere in Eyes’s dressing room. Oh yeah, I guess you’re wondering why Ayumu is hanging around. Well, he’s still trying to find out where his brother is hiding. Kosuke swears up and down he doesn’t know where Kyotaka is, but we know that Kosuke is a good liar, so we can’t listen to him.

However, we do know that Kyotaka is alive, since he sent Ryo some flowers a few episodes ago, but that’s all the info we have at this point. Kyotaka is a jerk, he should be sending some flowers to the wife that he left behind 2 years ago.  Well Ayumu decides to hang out with the Kids a little while longer, so that he can get all his questions answered. I think this is a big mistake, why hang around a bunch of people that wanted you dead?

Ayumu devised a plan to smoke this hunter out, but Eyes will need to stall his concert by 5 minutes. Instead of taking some good advice, Eyes speeds up the show by 2 minutes. Hmmmm. I guess he really does have a death wish. So the concert begins, and candles are being lit left and right. This is a good thing, since the hunter can’t seem to get a good shot of Eyes. Too bad, ’cause his music is really getting on my nerves right now.

Anyway, Ayumu (being the genius that he is) figures out where the hunter is hiding, and realizes that it will be a sniper attack. Now we all know Ayumu is good a solving puzzles, but can’t take down a picture, much less a hunter. Kosuke tries to take him out, but c’mon, he’s just a kid, and the hunter looks like an adult. So who do you think got owned? Yep, you guessed it, the hunter owned Kosuke, and got away.

Okay, so now we know that Hiyono won’t make it back to Shumari station until after 2:30, so Ayumu might get his head blown off, or will he not? He knows that Ryo has a switch in her possession that can detonate the bomb around his neck, so he decides to create a situation where Ryo will have to disarm it, or she’ll die too.

So while Ayumu is conjuring up a brilliant scheme, he’s also going after the tape he mailed to himself, and is now sitting in his apartment mailbox. Only thing is, Kosuke gets there first. He picks the lock, and all these dummy tapes fall out. Ayumu trails in afterwards, gets the correct one, and splits on Kosuke’s bike. And he didn’t see that comin’?

“Good job Ayumu.” He’s got the tape, but now he needs to convince Ryo to detonate the bomb around his neck. So he calls her on the phone, and they meet in some isolated place near Shumari Station.

There’s a can of kerosene nearby. Yes, Ayumu planted it there, but I wonder when he found the time to mess around with that stuff. If Ryo decides to be a jerk and not remove the bomb around Ayumu’s neck, then he’ll use the Kerosene to blow himself up, the tape, and take Ryo along too.

Only thing is, Ryo is one step ahead of Ayumu, and replaces the kerosene with water before he gets there. But Ayumu is a kid that can bluff his way out of anything, so he makes up some crap about the real tape still being in his mailbox, and Hiyono has been sent there to retrieve it.

In other words, she won’t be stopping at Shumari Station. This is important since Kosuke will be waiting there with open arms, probably to kill her. Okay, not it’s getting closer to 2:30, so somebody better do something quick! Ayumu bluffs one more time by giving Ryo his watch so she can countdown the final minutes to his demise. Only thing is, his watch is set 2 minutes fast, so Ryo wigs out when 2:30 hits, and he’s still alive.

Ryo lowers her head in defeat, until she realizes that she’s been fooled…..again. So she throws the detonating switch into the water, “Bye Ayumu, it’s been nice knowing you!” But then again, maybe not. The express train passes, and Hiyono throws Ayumu the key and he takes the bomb off. Wait, since when are you able to hang all out of a moving train like that?

Ayumu wins the game. I still think he was stupid for playing in the first place, but if he didn’t, I’d be bored, and skip to the next episode.

Okay, so the exam is ready to start, but where’s the fighting? Apparently it’s not gonna happen in this episode, as the genin ninjas start off with a written exam first. Now Sakura thinks it’s so funny that Naruto probably won’t pass the test, until the proctor says that all groups will pass or fail based on the total scores of all 3 members.

“Ah ha Sakura, you still might fail this test you stuck-up chick!” Now Mr. Proctor relays to the exam takers that everyone starts off with 10 points. There are Sentinels all around the room to catch cheaters so if they’re caught, 2 points will be subtracted from their score.

If someone is caught cheating 5 times, they fail and get kicked to the curb. Wow. So you can cheat 4 times and get away with it? Nice! Sakura is a little worried, but believes that if she and Sasuke get a good score on the test, everything should be okay, even if Naruto gets a zero.

But everything won’t be okay, since the proctor says that if anyone gets a zero, the whole team fails too. Oh well, BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR GUYS! Wait, I have faith in Naruto, and I want him to pass, so I’ll be rooting for him.

Naruto is seated by Hinata, and the test begins. Man, I bet this test is easy, maybe I can help out, I’ll read the first question for them.

“Line B in the diagram indicates the trajectory of a shuriken thrown in enemy C by ninja A seated on top of a tree 7 meters tall.”

“Describe and formulate the trajectory required if C was positioned in points D, E and F. Also predict the farthest possible range of the shuriken and explain how you arrived at your answer.”

Excuse me but, WHAT IN THE HELL DID I JUST READ?? I feel sorry for those guys, good luck on answering that one! Now Sakura may be able to handle these questions, even though they’re hard as hell, but Naruto and Sasuke are totally clueless. In fact, most of the ninjas in the class can’t answer these, so they resort to cheating.

Yep, they use their jutsu to cheat off of other people they believe have the correct answers. Now I know it’s unethical to cheat on a test, but that’s exactly what the proctor wants them to do! He knows a lot of the people in the class can’t answer those crazy ass questions, but the whole trick is to utilize stealth skills. In other words, gathering information without getting caught.

This is so funny, check this out, Gaara takes out his eyeball, and uses it to look on another guy’s paper. AND NOBODY SAW THAT? (LOL)

Unfortunately some people get caught anyway, and it’s really interesting to see how dramatic people can get when they fail a test. “Hey, it’s okay guys, you’ll get another chance in a few months, so calm the hell down!

So everybody is cheating, but Naruto hasn’t caught on yet. But even if he did, what jutsu does he know that will help him cheat? Well, it doesn’t matter, ’cause Hinata allows Naruto to cheat off her paper, but he’s too scared to do it. The thing is, it’s so obvious, she just scoots her paper over to him while other people around them are getting thrown out left and right for cheating. Man, she’s got guts!

What will Naruto do? We’ll have to wait and see!

The gang shows up to take the Chunin exams, and Sasuke is greeted by Ino. Uh oh, Sakura is gettin’ all pissed off, but I don’t know why, Sasuke doesn’t want either one of them. However, I do think that Sasuke and Ino would look great together. Besides, Sakura is ugly and has a big forehead.

Naruto introduces us to the gang once again, some of them you’ll remember from episode 3. First there’s Shikamaru, who Naruto regards as the laziest kid in the academy. But we all know not to pay attention to anything Naruto says, so let’s move on…..

Then we run into Choji (aka Fatass). Why is that dude always shovin’ food down his throat? He better have his jutsu together instead of eating food all damn day. Oh yeah, and there’s Kiba who walks around with a dog on his head….don’t ask.

Then, we welcome back Hinata…..Wait, what’s with her annoying voice? Now where have I heard that voice before? Oh yeah, Mikuru from the Haruhi series! You mean they gave the chick another voice over job?

And to round off the group, there’s Shino, with his sunglasses, and coat that covers his mouth. I like this guy, I guess ’cause he looks like a cool pervert.

So everybody is talkin’ among themselves, and a cute kid named Kabuto joins the group. He tells the gang that he’s created ninja info cards, in which he projects his jutsu onto them to give  information on all ninjas, revealing their secrets.

Sasuke asks for info. on Gaara and Rock Lee, so what do we have here…….Okay, we know that Rock Lee successfully completed 20 D rank missions, and 11 C ranks, and has an excellent Tai Jutsu. Hell, we witnessed that in the last episode when Sasuke got owned. However, his other attacks are kind of weak…….

Now, about Gaara…..He’s completed one B rank mission as a genin, impressive. However, there’s a big question mark for his D rank missions. I guess Gaara thought he was way too important to do dumb stuff like walk dogs, or pick trash out of the water.

After looking around at all the competition, Naruto opens his big mouth and tells them all that he’s gonna kick their butts. Sakura tries to shut his ass up, and apologizes to everyone, makin’ all kinds of excuses, like Naruto is on medication, and can’t help his stupidity.

Kabuto slips up, and says something about the Hidden Sound Village, and they get all pissed off, and attack him. Hey, why does this guy have a musical note on his ninja headband? Whatever,  I’m siding with Kabuto on this one. First of all, he didn’t say anything that’s worth fighting over, so what’s their problem?

Kabuto looks like he’s able dodge their attacks, but loses his glasses, and gets sick, what kind of justu did they use on him?

Well those ugly ass ninjas won’t be able to continue their attack, ’cause the proctor just showed up to stop the fight. Now this dude is tough, but I think he’s being too soft on the kids from the village of hidden sound, I’d disqualify their asses right then and there!

He gives everyone a warning, and now the exams will begin!

This is a good episode, but I had to give it an extra 1/2 star since I get a chance to see Sasuke get SPANKED! Not only that, but I also get to witness Sakura doing some swift moves that I didn’t know she could do. No, she’s not fighting, or maybe she is……FIGHTING TO GET AWAY FROM ROCK LEE!

Doesn’t Rock Lee look like a puppet? Well if you think he looks crazy, you should see his sensei, and we’ll be meeting him soon, but first let’s concentrate on Rock. He tells Sakura that he loves her and starts throwing valentines at her. And I give Sakura four stars for being able to dodge every single one of them. Boy, is she flexible, I think she may practice yoga or somethin’!

Since Rock loses to Sakura, he decides to try Sasuke. No, not to kiss him, but to fight him! It seems that the Uchiha clan is very prestigious, everybody wants to take on Sasuke now. But now poor Naruto feels left out. Awwwwwwwww.

But he decides to get into the act by taking on Rock Lee first. Only thing is, he’s able to take Naruto out with just a couple of moves. “Too bad Naruto, I guess you need a little more practice (LOL)!

Now it’s Sasuke’s turn, and once again he acts all cocky, and tells Sakura that it’ll all be over in 5 seconds. Yeah right! Remember, a few episodes ago, Sasuke discovered the sharingan, which can copy an apponent’s jutsu. Only thing is, Rock goes with straight martial arts, and pounds Sasuke to a pulp.

OWNED!

OWNED!!!

OWNED!!!!!!!!!!

I love it, I love it! But then Guy (Rock’s sensei) shows up, and he’s one strange dude, but I’ll tell you one thing, Sasuke better be glad that he showed up when he did, to save his butt. Yep, Guy is a straight up weirdo, but he’s a load of laughs. If you haven’t seen this episode, you must, ’cause there’s a lot of hilarious dialogue between Rock and Guy, but I won’t go into details here.

Ha Ha! Sasuke lost to a crazy, puppet-lookin’ fool!