2. March 2008 by Ria.

The movie starts off with Rich Dad (Walter Connolly) all pissed off because his daughter Ellie Andrews (Claudette Colbert) married lame guy King Westley (Jameson Thomas). Ellie eventually gets tired of listening to her dad’s mess, and jumps off his yacht. Don’t worry, she didn’t drown, so we can leave her alone for a minute and tune in to Peter Warne (Clark Gable) a highly annoying news reporter who’s drunk as a skunk, talking on the phone with his boss, who in turn fires him, especially after he called collect.

Anyway, Peter gets on a train where he meets Ellie, but he doesn’t like her too much, and tells her to scram. First of all Peter, “scram” is one of my favorite words, which means you’re not allowed to use it, and second, you’re rude and uncouth, which is probably why your boss fired you. Ellie doesn’t want anyone to know who she is, so she withholds her name, however, if you notice all throughout the movie, she keeps pushing her rich girl entitlement act on other people.

For example, the bus stops over in Jacksonville for breakfast. Now the bus driver has already alerted everyone that they need to get her butts back in their seats within 30 minutes. Well, Ellie quickly forgets that she’s undercover as a nobody, and literally commands him to wait for her to return from the Windsor Hotel. Sorry Ellie, you can’t have it both ways. Either you want the wealth, status, and whatever else that comes with with it, or you want to be a regular Joe Schmoe, or Sally Jane and be treated like crap.

I don’t have to tell you that the train left without her, but all’s not lost-Peter is still hanging around, so at least she’s got a little company. However, things get worst. A few stops back, someone stole Ellie’s bag, so now she’s left with about 4 bucks. Peter has a little money, but not much, so this will make for an interesting trip. You see, Ellie is trying to get to New York, so she can be with her King Westley, so we’ll just have to see how this all plays out.

Anyway, both Ellie and Peter get on the next bus, but they sit in separate seats, especially after he pretty much ‘told her off’ calling her a rich snob, and stuff like that. Then he had the nerve to wire his boss collect telling him he’s going to get the Ellie Andrews story. Okay, so they’re back on the bus, and you should see this bus, all decked out with nice lights, and there’s some guy on there selling candy, cigarettes, and magazines. These days, if you don’t have those things before you board a Greyhound, you’re just out of luck.

Now ladies, don’t you hate it when you’re sitting on a train or bus, in your own little world, minding your own business, when some freakzilla invades your space and tries to get your phone number? Well, that’s what Ellie had to go through when she accidentally sat next to a perv by the name of Oscar Shapley.

These days, you can get beat up for having a name like that. Well, this guy talks and talks, thinking he’s going to get a date with her, until Peter steps in, calling Ellie his wife and Oscar “Scram”. See, its better when I use that word, and no one else. So now Ellie gets a little hungry, and decides to buy some candy, when Peter steps in, says no, she’s on a budget from now on, and tells her to shut up when she objects.

What? Ellie, don’t let him get away with that! These days, a man could end up scraping his face off the floor for talking to a woman that way, but Ellie seens to like that take-control-kind-of-guy. You know she ends up falling in love with him, right? Now I’m going to skip to one of my favorite parts, the hitchhiking scene.

Peter starts giving Ellie tips on how to thumb rides. Let me see if I got it all down-First, there’s the short jerky thumb. the smile as you thumb, and the broke and angry thumb. Funny none of those worked when he tried them, so Ellie had to get out there and show him how its done. She just flashed some leg, and that was it. Peter, didn’t you know we ladies are the masters of hitchhiking? We try not to do it anymore lest our head roll out onto a curb after some crazy psychopath chops it off, and throws it out the window of his BMW.

I’m going to fast forward this movie review by telling you they spend a lot of time together, fall in love in the weirdest way, and Ellie ends up leaving her prince at the altar (I guess they got married, but didn’t have a wedding) to run off with Peter, and somehow Rich Dad seems to be fine with that. Now we all know that’s totally bogus. What wealthy dude is going to allow his daughter to marry a broke joke over a king, even if it is a lame one?

Peter, your character is so out of date-women don’t like being told to scram, shut up, and we hate being called a brat. You may have looks, and I’ll give you some brownie points for being able to cook, and iron clothes, but that’s it. You stunk up this whole movie, but I’ll give it two stars because I was able to squeeze a laugh or two out of it.

Click on this link for famous hitchhiking scene!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCqyRmLPI7U

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12. February 2008 by Ria.

I’m really pissed. James Dean should have taken over this movie, but oh no, the writers had to throw in a bunch of dumb stuff, so I had to give the movie 2 1/2 stars instead of 3! The first scene in the movie takes place in a police station where our hero Jim Stark (James Dean) is brought in for being drunk as a skunk. On the other side of the room, Judy (Natalie Wood) is brought in for being out past curfew.

Poor Judy is having problems with dad. He’s supposedly mean, cruel, and just doesn’t understand her. Whatever, who cares, let’s just get back to Jim who winds up having a nice little talk with the police therapist-Well, I don’t know what you would call him, there was a therapist at the police station, I’ve never heard of such a thing (even though there should be at least 5 counselors for every cop) so lets just call him the police therapist.

Jim sets the plot for the movie by telling the guy that the reason he does bad things, is because mom is too bossy, and dad is a spineless wimp. Okay Jim, is this the best reason you can give me for your rebellious nature, because I’m not buying it. You’re supposed to say something like this, “Look, I’m bad, and the reason I act up all the time is because my father is a stupid drunk who hangs out at the corner liquor store and mom is a crackhead who brings home five different guys every day.”

Now I can believe that story. Actually, we do get a chance to meet mom and dad, but they’re an average couple-a little bickering now and then, but nothing out of the norm. The next day, Jim spots Judy on her way to school, and decides this is a good time to hit on her, but she’s not having none of that. She hangs with a rough crowd at school, and they don’t like Jim too well. Some kid named Plato (Sal Mineo) sees Jim as the big brother type and starts hanging around him.

This is a good thing, because he gets front row seats to the knife fight between Jim and Judy’s main squeeze, Buzz (Corey Allen). Jim wins round one (kind of), but round two comes up later that night in some kind of a drag racing war. The nature of this dangerous game is, you race your car to the end of a cliff, and the first one to jump out is the loser. Well, Jim jumps first, but poor Buzz gets his jacket caught in the door, goes sailing over the cliff, and dies…………………. Bye dumbass!

Now this is where everyone should get over their devastation, and immediately bow down to King Jim who is supposed to take over as the new leader of the gang, but this doesn’t happen. The crowd walks off, leaving Judy standing in total bewilderment land, but Plato is happy that his big brother is still alive and well enough to take the two of them home.

The rest of the movie is ridiculous. Jim and Judy start hanging out, and decide that they like each other. Are you kidding me? Jim, how can you fraternize with the enemy?  Judy’s boyfriend has just died, in a tragic effort to impress her, and she runs off with you? You should have thrown her butt off that cliff too. The course of this movie irritated me to no end, as Jim goes from being the big bad rebel, to becoming a normal, average Joe. Hey, I didn’t ask for that! If I wanted to see an everyday guy, I’d walk out my front door, or call one up on the phone! At this time Jim vacillates between telling the cops the truth, and keeping quiet.

I don’t understand, why would you want to say anything? I mean, in real life you want to take the straight and narrow, but this is the movies, so Jim, keep your big mouth shut! What you need to do now is go out and try to find a couple more guys to beat up on to immediately restore your roughneck status.

www.postpalace.com

Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen either. Now there are a couple of guys from Buzz’s gang looking for Jim because they think he squealed, but they don’t run into him again. Instead they find Plato, who pulls out a gun, and now the movie gets renamed from Rebel without a Cause to Plato with a Gun in his Hand and Rocks in his Head.

Click on this to see knife fight now!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uaIq234nL04

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6. February 2008 by Ria.

Barbara Stanwyck is Leona Stevenson, this rich, spoiled, stuck up brat that you just want to slap around a few times, but you’d better not, she might have another heart attack. She’s already bedridden, and we don’t need any more surprises, but too late, we’re in for a couple of them in this 1948 thriller. Leona is left bedridden, in this huge house, and she’s wondering where her gorgeous hunk of a husband, Henry (Burt Lancaster) is, he was due home awhile ago, but hasn’t shown up yet.?

Leona starts calling around, and overhears two guys planning to murder a woman at 11:15 that night, but the call is cut off before she can get a name. So she bugs the operators to trace that call, but they’re too busy for the kind of stuff, and nothing is ever done about it. She starts sifting through a list of names, trying to find out where her husband is, and stumbles across a Sally Hunt (Ann Richards) phone number, and calls her.This movie deals with a lot of flashbacks, so try to stay with me, and not get lost, or else I’ll think you’re slow, and laugh at you. Ready?

Leona has the first flashback, as she remembers when she first met Henry at some kind of dance. You got to love the way Henry prominently gives her the hand a few times, who was this lady trying to hit on a man already dating someone else?

A wealthy one, and that makes all the difference in the world. Henry was dating Sally at the time, but since rich people can buy anything they want, including people, Leona knew she would steal Henry away, and that’s exactly what she did. You also have to give kudos to Handsome Henry who bagged himself a cash cow, and is now on his way from Baltic Avenue to Boardwalk. Way to go Henry, now you can stop working at that corner drug store where you were only making 50 cents an hour!

Now its time for Sally to provide us with the next flashback, and I’m going to tell you right now that it’s a complete waste of time, as we don’t really find out much, only that Henry might be in a lot of trouble. Look Sally, unless you’re having a hot fling with Henry right now, which would provide a lot of entertainment, you don’t belong in this movie, SO SCRAM!

Leona then calls her doctor (Wendell Corey), which leads to flashbacks three and four. I’ll sum these up by saying that Leona is faking heart attacks in order to get her way, Henry finds out from the doctor and is immediately pissed. Not only that, her father gives him an office, and a title, but he doesn’t really do anything.

www.postpalace.com

Hey, wait! I want that job! Where do I sign up? What you say Henry? You’re not getting a salary, just some measley pocket change? You have to live with father-in-law who is always sticking his nose in your business? You mean you don’t even have your own car? HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! I shouldn’t laugh because Henry is about to get his revenge, which leads us to the fifth, and final flashback, and this is where we find out how much trouble he’s in.

Leona get’s a couple of phone calls from a man by the name of Waldo Evans (Harold Vermilyea), who ends up telling Leona everything. He and Henry formed some kind of a black market business by stealing from her father’s company. Henry started selling the goods to a hoodlum named Morano (William Conrad), but then got greedy, and started ripping Morano off, too.

Bad move, because gangsters don’t play. Now Henry has 90 days to cough up $200,000, or else! Where did the 90 days come from? Well, some doctors speculated that Leona was really sick and only have a few months to live, and that information was made public. You know how that goes, you pay doctors enough money, and they will say anything. There’s only one problem, Henry knows that Leona is not really ill, and she won’t be dead in 3 months.

Oh well Henry, I don’t know what to tell you, you better put that pretty boy face of yours in some commercials, or on the cover of some magazines or something, because you have to come up with that money, and from what Waldo tells us, your 90 days are up. But Henry has something sinister in mind for his wife-HE HIRES A HIT MAN TO KILL HER! Stupid, stupid, Henry, why didn’t you just ask your wife for the money?

If she didn’t give it to you, then have her bumped off, but at least ask! Henry decides to call Leona in the final moments leading to her death (11:15pm, yes, she is the one those guys on the phone were talking about killing) I guess to give his last goodbyes, when Leona tells him about the phone call from Waldo who also said that Morano was arrested, so there was no need to cough up the $200,000. Thanks a lot Henry, now you’ve really done it this time. Your wife is about to die for no reason at all, and you’re going to jail for a long time. Hey, since there will be no one around, can I have the house and the car?

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