1. April 2008 by Ria.

This episode opens up with my main man Chad, and two other guys sitting in front of a caged cockatiel which happens to bring bad luck to anyone who has it. Now one of the guys tries to pass it on to Chad, saying that he has a weakness for cute things. Oh Really? “HEY CHAD, over here buddy! Come take a look at me, I’m cute, what do you think?” Anyway, Chad decides to take the bird, then a steel beam falls on his head, Uh oh, what next?

Remember, Chad is build like a ton of bricks, so there aren’t too many things that’s gonna hurt him, but there’s only so much he can take. All the sudden, the bird starts talking, but its anime for Pete’s Sake, and we’re used to that, so lets go to the next scene where Rukia meets more of Ichigo’s stupid friends. Then Chad comes to school, carrying the bird, “Okay Chad, you’re scaring me a little bit. You’re supposed to take the bird home before you go to school, or are you afraid that your house might burn down while you’re gone?

“Oh, I see, you’re trying to burn down the school, okay, I guess I’m all for that then.” Chad goes into the story of how a steel beam fell on his head, and how he was hit by a motorcycle. “Okay Chad, you know there’s something going on with that bird, so just ditch it. Or, better yet, give it to the math teacher, so he/she can be out for a whole month with the stomach flu, and you can spend the whole class period watching movies with the sub.”

Then, Ichigo tells Rukia the story of how she met Chad back in 8th grade, now this is a good scene to watch, because you get a chance to see Ichigo getting his butt whipped by a bunch of guys. Now Chad comes along, and……”Hey, somebody get GQ magazine on the phone right now, they need to come take a look at this hot guy standing there in his cool looking suit, about to own these hoodlums!” Now those punks try to take Chad down, but remember, he’s built like a rock, so he’s just standing there, watching those guys make complete fools out of themselves.

Ok, enough of that flashback. After Ichigo finishes his story about Chad, Rukia has the nerve to say Chad is an odd one. “Rukia, YOU BETTER SHUT THAT BIG TRAP OF YOURS! If anyone is a complete weirdo around here, its you! You don’t even know how to open a damn juice box, and your fighting skills suck, so you better stop talking about Chad, and look at yourself!”

All right, next scene, Ichigo is at his dad’s clinic, and dad is pretty busy. Its nice to know that he actually takes his job seriously, last thing we need is to have patients dying in his clinic because hes trying to body slam them against a wall or somethin’. Now Chad comes into the clinic, a total mess, still carrying that hexed bird. Dad takes Chad’s shirt off, and (stripper music playing in background)……….sorry, I had to throw that in there. Actually, Chad is hurt pretty bad, he’s got this huge burn on his back, and falls to the ground.

“Well Chad, looks like you’ll be staying overnight at the clinic, but I’m telling you, get rid of that damn bird!” The next day Chad disappears from the clinic, with the bird, because a hollow is hot on their trail. Ichigo decides to chase after Chad, when one of his stupid sisters, get involved, and messes up the end of the episode. Now Ichigo has to take her butt back home, while Rukia goes after Chad. Well Chad, you’re in a lot of trouble now if you’re depending on Rukia to save you. She tries another lame spell on the hollow, while it sits there, doing it’s nails. Well, not really, but it might as well have. Now Chad has to come to Rukia’s rescue, but that’s the end of that episode, to be concluded on the next DVD.

Sorry guys, I won’t be reviewing the Bleach DVD following this one, what I’m going to do is skip a bunch of episodes, and get to the really good stuff, when Rukia is hauled back to the soul society to be executed, and Ichigo goes into training to save her. These episodes are good, because I get to see Mr. Hat and Clogs, and I can also witness Ichigo getting his butt kicked on a daily basis. I will also being reviewing the episodes when he enters the Soul Society, so that I can run down all the captains to you. Some are awesome, some are OK, and there are a few I could care less about, and a couple that I absolutely can’t stand. Do you have any idea who they may be?

That’s for later, because next, I’m going to get into some Mushishi, more Hellsing, and The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, so be there or be square! I know, that sounds so lame, does anyone even say that anymore?

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1. April 2008 by Ria.

Now where did I leave off from last time? Oh yeah, Orihime’s dead brother’s spirit  was captured by hollows because he was harboring angry feelings toward his sister for not praying for him consistently. Not only that, but the hollows can’t stand Ichigo because he has all this spirit energy, so they’re gonna use Soto to smoke him out, then kill him.

So Soto comes after Ichigo, and once again, his home is ruined, well, the bedroom is. “You know Ichigo, you better hope your dad doesn’t find out that you’re the real reason the house keeps caving in, ’cause if he does, he might throw you out on your ass, and I’ll laugh at you again.”

Rukia and Ichigo figure out that the hollow who attacked them was Soto, and now he’s after Orihime, so they run to her house. Now Orihime, and Tatsuski are just finishing a pretty good meal, beef and potatoes, that Tatsuski bought over since Orihime likes to whip up gourmet garbage all the time. Next, they hear these strange noises, but don’t see anything. All the sudden, Soto strikes, and Orihime is knocked out of her body, like Ichigo in the last episode.

Orihime is still alive thanks to the Chain of Fate that’s attached from her spirit to her body. Don’t ask me nothing about that chain, all I know is that if it breaks, you’re pretty much screwed. So Soto as a hollow is just having a good ol’ time slapping around Orihime and Tatsuski, when in burst Ichigo ready to do some damage as the new soul reaper.

But first, Ichigo lectures Soto on how a big brother is supposed to protect his sister, and not try to kill her, but Soto really doesn’t want to hear it, and attacks Ichigo again. Orihime steps in and tries to prevent the attack and now for about 10 minutes, we hear all this sappy mess about Soto feeling shortchanged on the amount of prayers he’s been getting from Orihime.

In return, she comes up with her dumb version of what really happened. Now I started getting bored, so while this was going on, I talked briefly to a friend of mine about the economy, and how I spent nearly $5.00 on a box of Froot Loops last week. In the end, Soto asks Ichigo to exorcise him, to free him from the hollows, and so he can pass on to the Soul Society.

“Well Soto, all I can say is, I hope you stole someone’s cash, credit card, and food stamps, because you might be needing it if you’re on your way to the Soul Society, just ask Rukia.” No, I’m serious, in the Soul Society, just like Earth, you could end up on the wrong side of the tracks, and there you are, as a spirit, beggin’ for something to eat, hoping a rich family will adopt you.

Whatever, that’s another story we will get into at a later date. Anyway, the next day at school, Orihime is telling this bogus story of how sumo wrestlers blasted a hole in her wall, but her friends don’t believe it. Now the reason she’s telling tall stories is because Rukia used some kind of memory replacement on her.

“Well Rukia, its nice to see you can still do something besides being a complete pest now that you don’t have your powers anymore.” And as far as Orihime is concerned, “Girl, where are you gonna get the money to repair that hole in the wall? I got an idea, you can get a refund on that boob job that you had done, and that should be enough to fix the hole in the wall, and the one in your head, how’s that?

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31. March 2008 by Ria.

Okay, this is a boring episode, but its on the DVD, so I have to review it. First, I give 3 stars to Orihime for being crazy as hell, and I give Chad 3 stars for being fine as hell. Oh yeah, and then there’s Ichigo, and Rukia, but whatever. Anyway, the scene opens with Ichigo’s dad attacking him, man, what is that guy’s problem? You know, you got to feel bad for Ichigo, c’mon, put yourself in his shoes for a minute. Let’s say you had a hard day at work, or school, and you come home, lay on the bed for a little bit just to relax. Then all the sudden, your retarded mom/dad comes in, and tries to pound you into oblivion, as a joke.

Keep in mind that I’m not talking about a pesky little sister, or irritating younger brother, but a parent, your mother or father acting like this. And then as an excuse for what they’ve just done, they might say ”Hey there kid, I’m just doing this to make sure you stay on your toes, and won’t get caught off guard by some mugger or mad rapist.” Now does that make any sense to you? Well, let’s just be glad we don’t have Ichigo’s problems, but we have the luxury of making fun of his family situation, so everybody point at Ichigo and laugh, HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Now Ichigo’s house is destroyed because of the hollow troubles back in episode 1, but no one remembers what happened. His family assumes that a truck smashed into their house, and dad doesn’t seem to be upset by this at all. Well, its nice to know that retarded dad is keeping up with his homeowner’s insurance, because the last thing we need is for Ichigo to go homeless, then they might end the series, or he may have to take up room and board in the soul society, which really wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Whatever, next scene, now we meet some new characters. First there’s Orihime, the funny bimbo who can’t cook, and there’s Tatsuki who nobody cares about. And, we must introduce sexy Chad, now I’ve been trying to get Chad’s seven digits for the longest, but no one will give it to me. My friends call me a cradle robber, but that’s pure crap, I mean look at the guy. Does Chad really look 15 to you? I’m telling you right now, he’s not a kid, he’s just a poser at that high school so that he won’t be lonely. I’m telling you, Chad is a grown man, listen to his voice! Look at how huge he is! And those biceps, and…………………………..

Oh sorry, I was daydreaming again, anyway, Rukia shows up at Ichigo’s school unexpectedly, and demands that Ichigo perform the duties of a soul reaper, since he now has the power of one. Ichigo is like, “No way!”, so Rukia smacks him out of his body, and now he’s in spirit form. Now if you are a Bleach Newbie, and you don’t know what in the hell I’m talking about, I’ll find a link for you to click on so you can see what I’m talking about. Now that Ichigo is in spirit form, he can now see wonderful things, like hollows running around trying to kill people and other spirits. Don’t you just envy him?

Anyway, lets skip around a bit and focus on Orihime’s dead brother, Soto who’s going to be the star in the next episode. Let me tell you a little about Soto, so that I don’t have to tell you later. Soto died awhile back in a car crash. leaving Orihime all alone (parents ran off), but she continually prayed for his soul. As time went on, she prayed less, and less, now Soto’s spirit is all pissed off, and because of these bad feelings he’s harboring, hollows are now lining up to take over his spirit, and they finally succeed.

In other words, Soto is now a hollow, and he’s coming back in the next episode to do some major damage, but before that, he decides to pop in on Ichigo to see how he’s doing. Well, not quite, actually, he tries to take Ichigo’s head off, but Ichigo’s not going down so easily. Part of the hollow mask falls off, and Ichigo can see that it’s Soto, so now he faces a real dilemma. Is he going to kill Soto, or not? Tune in next time for Ichigo, and the Hopeless!

Oh wait, before I go, make sure you watch this episode to the very end, and you’ll get a chance to see Orihime wig out in the middle of a conversation, I’m telling you, she’s hilarious!

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