You are currently browsing the Ria’s Crazy Movie Reviews weblog archives for the day 4. May 2008.
4. May 2008 by Ria.
Last episode, Tsuzuki was chasing Maria Won (a famous singer) who was going around killing people. Back at his office (with all those hot guys), he finds out that Ms. Won has been dead for over 2 months. She ended her life because her stepmother was only after her money, huh? “Maria, you’re such a stupid-ass, nobody commits suicide over a greedy step-mom, okay?”
In fact, step-mom was so greedy, she revived Maria from the dead so she can continue to make those expensive car and house payments. Only thing is, Maria is not human anymore, she a zombie/vampire, and she needs blood to survive which explains the unsolved deaths in Nagasaki.
Now Tsuzuki heads back there, and he’s supposed to team up with Hisoka who never showed. Awwwwww, he’s still mad over eating the last piece of meat drowned in hot sauce by Tsuzuki, get over it already! You know, I really don’t think Tsuzuki cares, ’cause he’s in this restaurant, ramming a piece of apple pie down his throat. Now he gets ready to pay the bill, and the cashier tells him its 4,500 yen. “Tsuzuki, please tell me that you were able to get a steak and potatoes with that pie?”
Tsuzuki hears a scream, so he runs outside and finds a girl who collapsed, but no bite marks. Then, sexy Muraki shows up, and takes care of the girl, telling Tsuzuki that he’s a doctor on staff at a hospital. “Yeah right, which hospital Muraki? And while you’re at it, can you prove to us that you have a license to practice medicine?” Now we’re gonna skip some stuff, because Muraki starts talking weird crap about humans never being able to escape death, and we really have better things to do than to listen to that stuff, so lets skip this scene, and get to the one where Tsuzuki meets back up with Hisoka.
Hisoka then gives Tsuzuki that the reason he didn’t show up at the restaurant was because of his issues, he’s too sensitive to deal with the emotions of other people. “Look Hisoka, you’re now a guardian of death, if you can’t handle the job, then go sit your ass down in a corner somewhere, and let someone more competent take over, ’cause you suck right now.”
Next episode, Gushoshin reveals that Hisoka’s parents locked him up in a cell because they couldn’t deal with his special abilities. Look, just take the kid to see a shrink for a few months, then he’ll be alright, now lets move on. We now find out that Muraki has been controlling Ms. Won. He tries to make her slit her throat with a piece of glass, but she broke his spell, and won’t do it.
Now Tsuzuki is still looking for Ms. Won, so he dresses up as a waiter in order to get into her dressing room, but he finds she’s not there, and there are signs of a struggle. In one final attempt to find out where she is, he plays decoy by sitting on a bench, trying to pretend to be sleeping. Now see, that’s dangerous, suppose this tactic backfires, and Tsuzuki wakes up dead? Anyway, Muraki sends Ms. Won to kill fake-sleeping Tsuzuki, hey, I thought he had a crush on him? Anyway, the battle begins. Tsuzuki uses a spell, but Muraki has a much stronger one that paralyzes him. Then its Hisoka to the rescue, you mean the kid actually knows how to do something?
Isoka destroys some kind of amulet that was paralyzing Tsuzuki, who gets to cast one hell of a spell to free Ms. Wong from his vampire trance-like state. Well, she’s not a vampire anymore, but she will return to the netherworld. Well I wish she would hurry it up, ’cause her singing is getting on my nerves! Now Muraki is a little pissed off that things didn’t turn out as he planned, so now he kidnaps Isoka, and we’ll just have to wait and see what happens in the next episode!
Posted in Descendants of Darkness Anime | Print | No Comments »
4. May 2008 by Ria.
Oh my goodness, this film is horrible, horrible, horrible! Bad acting, bad picture quality, bad camera lighting, bad plot, how much did it cost to make this movie, $100.00? I have one quick question, what is a first rate actor like Lou Diamond Phillips doing in a crap movie like this? After watching this movie a couple of times, I still can’t figure out what its supposed to be about. All I know is that there’s a bunch of killing, swearing, and lame ass sex scenes thrown together, and that’s it.
Let me tell you right now, no one in this movie can be taken seriously. We’ve got two detectives that are supposed to be on a stake-out that end up sleeping together, we have a fat greedy-ass police chief who could care less about the violence in the city, he just wants to make sure that he has a plate a food in front of him at all times. Then we have corrupt cops having coke orgies, no you won’t get a chance to see anything, so if you rent this DVD thinking you’re gonna see a hot and nasty scene, save your money and stop being a desperate pervert.
Next we have Mayor Padial (Lou Diamond Phillips) who’s messing around with the assistant D.A., and we’re supposed to believe that all these government retards are actually trying to clean up the city, and put an end to crime, yeah right. In the first scene, we have Detective Coulon (Alec Rayme) and wife Nikki talking 100 miles an hour, that I had a hard time grasping what they were saying. Now Nikki is supposed to be a lawyer, but it’s interesting how I never see her in a court room or in an office working on a case, she’s usually at home on the phone trying to get a hold of her husband.
Now I’m thinking to myself, man, this Coulon must be a real handsome guy if Nikki is trying to keep a tight leash on him, but with the bad camera lighting, it was hard to tell what he looked like until a few scenes later. Then I was like, “DAMN COULON, CAN YOU PLEASE GO GET A SHAVE?” I know a detective’s salary may not be all that, but I’m sure he can afford a razor and some shaving cream, c’mon already!
Now we have Carmello (Dan Garcia) who’s been selling drugs, and killing people for most of his life, right? So he decides to pay a visit to his mother’s home for approximately 5 minutes. She rambles off a scripture from the Bible, and all the sudden his life has changed, and now he wants to go straight. Now who in the hell is gonna believe that bunch of garbage? The man has money, drugs, and women hanging on him night and day, and unless he gets parts of his face blown off, he’s not gonna give up that life that easily.
Next, we have the assistant D.A. hangin’ around the hood, trying to get answers for her big case. First of all that’s a load of crap, because that’s a cop’s job, oh wait, I forgot there are no real cops in this movie, so strike that. But why is she out and about in an all black outfit with sunglasses to match, looking like she’s auditioning for a part in the matrix?
I could go on and on, but you get the message, this movie was terrible, but the good news is that I never have to watch it again!
Click on link below to suffer, I mean to watch the trailer!
http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1614642395
Posted in Drama | Print | No Comments »