THE MELANCHOLY OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA-EPISODE 00-3 STARS

When I first popped in this DVD, the first thing I heard was this awful singing, and I was like, “DAMN, WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?” Actually, I’m still trying to find out who was behind that screeching, I think it was Mikuru, let me tell you a little more about her since she opens up the first scene. Oh, so you want to know why Haruhi is not in this episode?

Actually, she’s directing it, and doing a horrible job at it, but who cares, ’cause its funny as hell!  Now Kyon is narrating, and you’ll get to see him in the next episode also. We meet Mikuru, a half-crazed big-boobed bimbo dressed in a bunny outfit holding a sign in front of Morimura Produce, trying to sell cabbage. She’s also supposed to be a battle waitress from the future, and that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard, ’cause she can’t fight worth a damn.

Her working day has ended, and Mr. Boss Man gives her some money, apologizing for the fact that its not enough. I see I’m gonna have to step in here, and speak for Mikuru, since she’s a scaredy cat. “LOOK MISTER CHEAP ASS BOSS, you better try to scrape up some more dough, ’cause Mikuru has been busting her butt all day long, holding your stupid sign in that ridiculous outfit, she can go work for Playboy and get 20 times what you’re paying her!”

Good, I’m glad I took care of that. Next scene, Itsuki comes wandering in, and with Kyon still narrating, we find out that he’s an Esper. Okay, so what in the hell is that? Is it a fungus, lice, dog food, what is it? Kyon never explains it, so we’ll just scratch our heads, and move on to the next scene, where Mikuru goes home and changes clothes. Now the camera turns away quickly when she’s about to take off her bunny top. “Can somebody please tell me why this is censored, what weirdo would get excited over watching cartoon boobs, anyway?”

Oh wait, I forgot, I lot of people watch hentai (anime porno), so I’ll just strike that question, and move on to Yuki Nagato (I love that name), who’s kind of cool, but has the personality of a rock. I’m serious, she talks like a mindless android, so don’t ever invite her to a party, unless you want your guests to leave early. In this episode, she plays an evil witch who’s about to kick some major Mikuru bimbo butt.

You have to see this episode for yourself, it’s so damn hilarious, because none of them can act or fight worth squat, and Haruhi is a terrible director and writer. For example, Yuki, and Mikuru are having their first battle, and Mikuru gets spanked, so how is it that in the next scene, Yuki is helping Mikuru sell electronic equipment? In fact, I don’t know why I even called it a battle, it was more like, Yuki opens up a can of whoop-ass on Mikuru, and that’s it.

In the next fight (if you want to call it that), Yuki goes after Itsuki this time with a blast from her magic wand, but Mikuru pushes him out of the way, Yuki tells her that she’s won this battle, but next time she should make funeral arrangements. Huh? That was a battle? “And tell me Yuki, your dialogue is so lame to go along with your boring-ass personality, why should anyone be scared of you?”

You have to see this episode folks, the best one on the DVD. Now in the next one, we will meet the star of the show Haruhi Suzumiya, and then you’ll see why she deserves to be slapped around a few times.

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Volume 1

This entry was posted on 23. April 2008 at 06:46 and is filed under Haruhi Suzumiya anime. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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