Now we all know Charlton Heston kicked the bucket more than a week ago, so let’s have a moment of silence for him…………………..Okay, enough of that. Now, I’m not the biggest Heston fan, but some of the movies he starred in are my favorites, and I just want to list a few of him here.

[1]

BEN-HUR

Remember when American Movie Classics used to air this movie 50 million times around the Xmas holidays? I didn’t have a problem with that, I’d rather see this movie than It’s a Wonderful Life over and over again. Now Ben Hur is long as hell (over 3 hours), but well worth it. Its the story of Judah Ben-Hur’s vengeance against Messala, the Roman commanding officer who betrayed him, and tried to destroy his family. This Messala guy is a real jerk, let me tell you about some of the things that he does.

First, he throws Judah’s mother and sister in jail, and when they became lepers, Messala releases them out into the street. Then, Judah gets sent to the gallows, where he almost lost his life. But because of his strong faith in God, he survived, and got his revenge on stab-you-in-the-back friend Messala by owning him in a chariot race, and the mom and sister were cured of leprosy at the same time Jesus was dying on the cross.

Excellent movie, but I wouldn’t have entered a chariot race with Messala, I would have just beat the snot out of him, taking comfort in knowing that after I finished with him, he would no longer breath the same air with me ever again. Now its true that Messala died when he was trampled by his own horses, but he could have won that race, why take chances? 

[2]

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

You want to know what makes this film great? Its Yul Brynner, I’m telling you, there was one sexy man, so if anyone has his phone number, let me know. That tan, that bald head, oh my goodness! Okay, let me calm down now, yes Yul Brynner rocked, but it was those awesome special effects that made the movie 1st rate.

Staffs turning into snakes, and the red sea splitting in two so that the people could escape the Egyptian army? See, they never would have given me a part in that movie, ’cause there’s no way in the world I would have walked in between a divided body of water. I would have just stayed behind like a sucker to be captured by the Egyptian army.

Another show of supreme special effect dominance, is when Moses is climbing the mountain, and runs into God along the way, who engraves The Ten Commandments right in front of his eyes.

[3]

PLANET OF THE APES

This is the best Heston movie ever in my eyes, in fact, I’m a big fan of all the Apes sequels even though Heston was only in the first one. Heston is Taylor, an astronaut traveling out in space searching for “something better than man.” I’m sure he regrets making that statement, because his ship crashes onto a planet inhabited by apes in the year 3978, and they just happen to treat humans like crap.

Another great movie, but the setting should have been more consistent with a planet that exists in the future. Where are the computers, the IPODs, the cars, the high gas prices? Instead, this futuristic planet looks like it was slapped back to the middle of the Stone Age with horses, simple stone houses, and humans that can’t talk?

Now I fault the producers for being so cheap, and for not giving us the Jetson-type setting that would have been perfect for this film, but a terrific plot, and excellent acting can override a miserly production crew anytime. Yes, Charlton Heston was in some of my favorite movies of all time, so what are you waiting for? Stop surfin’ the net, get off your duff, and rent some movies, and at the same time, we can honor the man who starred in some of the greatest films of all time.