HELLSING-EPISODE 2-CLUB M-1 1/2 STARS

12. April 2008 by Ria.

First of all, this is a lame ass episode, so don’t expect me spend a whole lot of time talking about it. Towards the end of Club M, we watch Alucard wasting his valuable time dealing with stupid Bonnie and Clyde vampire posers, enemies that are way too weak and dumb for Alucard to deal with, so I’m pretty disappointed in this episode.

Since the ending is flat, lets just skip that and talk about the beginning. The first part of the episode deals with Victoria trying to make the adjustment from human, to freakazoid. I guess you might be interested in knowing how she’s handling it, but I know I would rather watch Alucard kick some real vampire booty, so the beginning of this episode and just as bland as the ending.

Well, for the sake of a decent review, I’ll try to whiz through this. Victoria has just transferred over to the Hellsing Organization, and now her first assignment is to kill this vampire that’s attacking innocent bystanders on the street. Ferguson gives her the order to kill it, but Victoria chokes, and another Hellsing officer takes the shot.

Ferguson is not at all pleased with her performance, and tells her that she’s too high strung. “Okay, so what does that mean, she can’t handle all this vampire excitement?” Walter, former vampire hunter introduces her to the Hellsing organization by giving her a coffin to sleep in for the day hours. “Well how nice, a coffin, I’m sure that’s what she’s always wanted.” Not only does she get a coffin, but they’ve set a table for her, with a packet of medical blood on it. Yuk. I can’t even imagine, and neither can Victoria, ’cause she gets all pissed off, and smacks it off the table.

“Victoria, what’s wrong with you? Why are you throwing good blood away, do you have any idea how many sick people who could really use the blood that you just wasted?” Whatever, that’s her issue, so let’s skip that drama and zoom in on Alucard who unexpectedly drops in on Integra, and she chastises him for bringing big boobed bimbos into her organization. Well, she didn’t quite put it that way, but you get the drift. Then Alucard has the nerve to try to cover it up by saying “the police-girl made the choice herself’.”

“Okay Alucard, now how long are you gonna use that excuse?”  Next, Integra shows him pictures of the crimes created by those teenage vampire hooligans, to which he makes a quick comment, and Integra responds by saying, “No one asks for your opinion”, so Alucard splits. Integra, why are you snappin’ on Alucard like that, are you PMSing or somethin’? This is the second time that you’ve copped an attitude with Alucard for no reason at all, and I’m getting kind of tired of it.”

Next scene, Victoria enters the Hellsing Gun Range, and………..Hmmmmmm, there’s some hotties in there, who needs Alucard? “Victoria, try to get a few phone numbers for me, because I’m sure they wouldn’t be interested in dating you, especially after I tell them that you’re a vampire, so you better just pass them on over to me.”

These Hellsing cuties realize that Victoria is the only woman officer on the team, and they decide to tease her by trying to get her hold this extremely heavy gun, so they can laugh hysterically after she struggles to pick it up. However, they don’t know she’s a vampire, and she picks up that gun like its a piece of paper or a feather, so I guess she showed them up. “Whatever girl, just get me the phone numbers, and don’t take too long to do it, I need a date for Saturday night.”

Now from this point on, the story shifts to the teenage vampire terrors, and since they are  a waste of a couple of characters, I won’t waste my time talking about them. Just know that in the end, Alucard and Victoria owns both of them, ok? One more to go on this DVD, and we’re done!

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