BLOOD THE LAST VAMPIRE-2006-2 STARS

27. March 2008 by Ria.

Now I said I was going to edit my review on Blood, the Last Vampire, and here it is! The movie starts off with Saya sitting on an empty train, well, I shouldn’t say empty, there’s one other guy on there. Before you know it, Saya opens up a can of whoop-ass all over that guy, and he’s history. Actually, he’s supposed to be a Chiroptera (blood sucking ghoul), and only Saya, the last original vampire can kill them.

So after this escapade, Saya runs into her boss David, and sidekick Lewis. Saya complains that her sword is dull, and she needs another one right away. I don’t see why, a dull sword to match that dull personality of hers. C’mon, you know what I’m talking about. Saya can fight, but she’s boring. She doesn’t smile, or crack one joke in this whole movie, and she can also use a little makeup if you ask me. Anyway, David tells Saya that she can’t get a new sword right away, because her next assignment is to infiltrate a high school where some chiropteras hang out, and kick their butts.

Next, we shoot over to a scene where a dead girl’s body is found in some building near the American military base, where hookers hang out, There’s 3 hookers, a dopey short dude, a woman who looks like she was body-slammed once too often, and then a very ugly man in drag. OKAY, WHO IN THE HELL WOULD SLEEP WITH ANY OF THESE PEOPLE?

No, I’m serious, what American soldier is that desperate that they’ll just sleep with any ‘ol thing? Whatever, lets switch scenes again, and follow Saya who meets the principal of the school that she’s attending. Wait, what’s that on the principal’s head? It looks more like a cream puff than hair, does anyb0dy in that school take this guy seriously? Well, it’s a good thing I wasn’t there, because I’d be laughing my head off, but Saya probably wouldn’t get the joke, and would try to split me in half.

So now, Saya is sitting in a classroom, and this chick comes up and introduces herself, and starts asking questions, and Saya pretty much gives her the hand. “You know Saya, you’re so rude, don’t you know how to fit in with everyone else, instead of acting like a witch?” Maybe I should give Saya the benefit of the doubt, after all, she’s about to do some serious spankin’ up in there, so why get chummy with anyone?

Since everything else in the movie was kind of boring, let’s just talk about fight scenes, Ok? First one, well, its not really a fight scene, since Saya strikes the first blow, and the rest is history, but you need to see it anyway, because its a pretty cool scene. Saya busts into the room, slashes chiroptera one in the bed, but she only gets chiroptera two on the shoulder, and it escapes.

Next scene, Saya gets chiroptera at the Halloween party, then her sword splits in two. Interesting how no one at this party noticed all this butt kicking that was going on. Was is that wild of a party, because if it was, I’m pissed that I wasn’t invited! Next scene, Saya is trying to fight off demon with shovel, ”That’s right girl, pick up the nearest thing, any old thing, and try to cave it’s skull in!”

Last fight scene, Saya and David chase a chiroptera while it tries to escape, but not for long, Saya catches up with it, and kills it, Bye! Well, thank goodness that’s over, and so is this movie review!

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