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It’s been a while since I’ve seen a really good horror movie, especially after all that Saw mess. All horror movie writers should be taking notes right now, they should all know that the best environment for a horror movie is one 25 million miles from civilization, out in the middle of nowhere, where the average guy can’t just jump in a car, hop on a highway, and leave. Writer Steve Niles knew what he was doing when he picked Alaska for the setting.

Now I hear there are a lot of good looking, single, and eligible bachelors in Alaska, and that must be true, since cutie-pie, and town sherriff Eben Oleson (Josh Hartnett), takes the forefront, and shall be branded our hero in this movie review. Yes, Eben is a real handsome dude, and I’m sure he’s just a sample of the kind of guys lurking around in Alaska, but that’s okay, I’ll just have to be deprived, and take what I can get my hands on when I move to warm and sunny California.

Well, let’s start this…… A boat docks, and this weirdo guy gets off, he’s not a vampire yet, but he hangs with them, why I don’t know, but anyway, he comes to town trying to scare the mess out of everyone, warning them of the horror to come. “Why would you even bother Mr. Weirdo, no one’s gonna listen to you anyway.” This creep gets thrown in jail for causing a scene in a diner, while the vampires sneak  into town, and first they take out the dogs. I’m surprised no one heard all that shooting and yelping going on.

“Okay, rule #1 for all those living in small towns, always be alert and aware of what’s going on around you, just because you live in a small knit community doesn’t mean you’re immune to any kind of violence, especially vampire violence. Oh well, too late for that advice, because the vampires came, and owned everyone in it, leaving a few stragglers behind. Now these vampires weren’t your typical everyday, how-ya-doin’ vampires, these guys were creepier, scarier, and faster.

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Don’t believe me? Okay, when one of them comes towards you with blood all over their mouth and clothes, and they’re saying stuff like, ”Milak, filma mousa acka ieiush iwkse”, just stand there and see what happens to you. I think the most intriguing part of the movie was watching the people in the town sacrifice themselves to try to save a loved one, no, I’m not talking about Eben’s estranged wife, Stella (Melissa George), but I will get back to her in a minute.

Remember when Isaac, the old senile old man who wandered out that house, and the son, Wilson who went after him? First of all, how was that old man fast, and sneaky enough to get past everybody, and get out of the house? Now I understand the son going after him after realizing he was gone, but damn Wilson, “Did you have to call out the old man’s name 50 million times, so that the vampires would know where you were?”

“You can look for someone without screaming your head off like a banshee, ’cause trust me, your father is old, and slow, so if he’s not within eye range, just figure the vampires chewed him to bits, so please stop screaming his name!” Well, I guess it doesn’t matter, since they both died anyway. Now towards the end of the movie, the night before the sun was to return, head vampire Marlow (Danny Houston) decides its time to burn down the town, so no one would know that they were there, and so people can still believe that vampires are only fairy-tales.

“Well listen here Mr. Vampire! I witnessed the whole thing, and I can tell you right now, you’re not gonna get away with it! I’ve already alerted the Army, the Navy, and the Marines, so you and your posse are in a lot of trouble!”  Now around this time, Stella, and some girl are hiding under a truck, but flames are quickly approaching. If they run, they’ll be killed by Marlow, if they stay, they’ll be burned alive. So hero Eben injects himself with vampire’s blood, in order to take on Marlow so the others can run to safety.

He succeeds in killing Marlow, but dies after the sun came up. BOOOOOOO!  “See Eben, you never should have rescued Stella from under that truck, after all didn’t she run off to Anchorage, to start a new life without you? You should have let her ass burn like toast! Oh, and as for you vampires, you think you are so hard core, bring your vampire asses to Chicago, and see what happens! If the gang-bangers don’t get you, then Oprah most definitely will!