300-2007-3 STARS

This is my kind of movie, a bunch of cute guys beating the crap out of each other. The movie starts out like the typical tale story, you know, the ones where they push the little kid out in the wilderness to fight the big bad wolf, then he comes back to town a man, and is crowned king. Fast forward several years when Leonidas (Gerard Butler), invites Persian messengers into Sparta, where they demand the whole city to submit to King Xerxes.

Then, out of nowhere comes this great pit, and Leonidas throw the messengers in it. What is wrong with these people, how can anyone be so blind? I’m always aware of my surroundings, and from a mile away, I can spot muggers, rapists, and even deep dark pits that I can be immediately thrown into. In fact, I wouldn’t have even been there, I would have trained one of those birds, you know, the ones that deliver messages, then I’d go hang out with my friends.

Nevertheless, the messengers die, and it’s on now. Leonidas gets desperate and goes to see Ephors, who have already been bribed. Too bad for you Leonidas, I guess you’ll have to stick to praying. So after an unnecessary sex scene, Leonidas sets off with 300 of his best warriors to go up against the Persians. So the 300 defeat the Immortals, the Mongolian Barbarians, and the war elephants, without a scratch. Okay, now I’m getting bored.

War isn’t usually this pretty, where is the bloodshed on the 300 side? My questions are finally answered when Astinos gets struck down, and his father who is part of the 300 is deeply devastated. His loss is my gain, as now I’m lured back into the movie with this sudden death in Leonidas’s posse.

While the 300 are off to kick some more butt, lets go back home to Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey) who is desperately trying to gather up support for Leonidas. She asks the help of Theron, who wants to have a little ‘fun’ first (if you know what I mean). You know, Lena looks a lot like Elizabeth (Keira Knightley from Pirates of the Caribbean fame).

But there’s a big difference, Gorgo is tough, and will mess someone up, while Elizabeth will just hide behind a bunch of pirates, swinging her sword, pretending that she can fight. Gorgo doesn’t play around with Theron, who betrayed her after he got his way, and she killed him. After Gorgo slays him, Persian coins fall from his purse, and now everyone knows Theron’s a trader.

What a dummy! Never carry bribery money around with you, he should have immediately deposited it in the First National B.C./A.D Greek Bank as soon as he got it. What? There were no banks around back then? Well, put it under a rock or something, what’s he carrying it around for?

The Council decides to help the 300, but its too late, they all die in the final battle. How sad, sometimes the hero must die, but it’s not over, well the movie is, but the battle rages on as over 40,000 soldiers gather together a year later to avenge the 300.

300 (Two-Disc Special Edition)

This entry was posted on 5. February 2008 at 06:10 and is filed under Action. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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