HOSTEL-2006-3 STARS

28. January 2008 by Ria.

The movie starts out with three immature (two Americans and one Icelander), and unbelievably stupid guys running around loose in Amsterdam without their collars, looking for cheap thrills with just about any woman they can get their hands on. I was just sitting there, shaking my head, counting down the minutes when I could finally see all of them get their heads sliced off. I tell you, I didn’t have to wait long-a total stranger informs the guys that if they want to be able to sleep with pretty much any thing that moves, to travel to Slovakia.

So the guys head on up there to stay in a hostel room with two other women who are about to lead them to their deaths. One guy goes missing, then the second guy, winds up being brutally mutilated by a couple of weirdos in some kind of a dungeon. When you get to this scene, just turn your head for a few minutes, and then get immediately back to the movie, which is actually pretty good.

The only man left standing is Paxton (Jay Hernandez), and he’s not having fun anymore, and demands to know where his friends are. The two girls that he shared the room with takes him to some kind of factory where he finds his friend’s dead body, and witnesses other backpackers being tortured. Paxton is captured, and has pain inflicted on him by another maniac, and loses a couple of fingers in the process. But the psycho screws up, slicing Paxton’s handcuffs, and slips on the floor, injuring himself.

Paxton grabs a nearby gun, shoots the guy, steals his clothes, and makes his escape. Paxton soon finds out that he’s inside of a murder-for-profit organization, where capturing and hacking up Americans seem to bring in the most money. Oh, did I tell you, the Slovakian police are also in cahoots with this terrorist group, so Paxton, I don’t what to tell you buddy, you’re probably screwed, but then, isn’t that why you went there in the first place?

Interesting enough, Paxton isn’t so girl crazy now that his life is at stake, and makes a clever getaway, but not before bringing another tortured soul with him, Kana (Jennifer Lim) who’s face is completely jacked up. Okay, so they’re in the car, and Paxton sees his former roommates who are also part of the organization, but Paxton gets his revenge by running them over, oh yeah! So they make it to the train, where Kana gets a glimpse of herself, and would rather be dead than to be disfigured, (she’s apparently never heard of reconstructive surgery) and jumps in front of an oncoming train.

And after Paxton risked his life to save hers, boy, some people are so ungrateful! Okay Paxton, you’re home free, but once again he takes his revenge in Austria when he runs into one of the torturers, and opens up a major can of whoop-ass on this guy in the men’s bathroom. I give this movie  2 1/2 stars, plus an additional 1/2 star for the hero making his superb escape, and for his entertaining reprisal, and there you have it.

Hey, check out the trailer!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYbaveZ0NYY

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