27. January 2008 by Ria.

If you must go to a movie theater, you will pay premium price for a movie ticket, but you can go cheap on food by following my guidelines in this article to save yourself some money. Who knows, maybe you’re already sneaking in stuff, but if not, I’ll guide you on your quest not to get ripped off by high priced movie theaters. Not only is this article about my techniques, but its also about the certain kinds of food you should sneak in, and what to avoid, so let’s get started. 

No woman should go to any movie theater without her huge tote bag hanging on her shoulders in order to make sure she can carry the maximum amount of items in it without having to buy a single thing from the concession stand. Now ladies, if you’re afraid that some nosy theater manager or movie usher will demand to look in your purse, don’t worry, just throw some dirty underwear or socks on top, so if they peak in your bag, that’s the first thing they’ll see and immediately get embarrassed, and look no further.

I’ve never had to open my purse for anyone, but you never know. Just make sure that you don’t forget to take those items out of your bag when you get home, you don’t want to be walking around and someone asks you for a pen, and you pull out a nasty pair of panties instead. Now, guys, unless you have a huge trench coat that you can immediately hide a burger in, forget about it. You will just have to pay full price for everything, including the movie ticket.

Hey, it’s better this way. Unless you’re with your buddies, do you really want your date to think you’re a cheapo when you ask her,”Hey baby, can you please stash my burrito from taco bell in that purse of yours?” Let’s now talk about some goodies to bring in. Get yourself some Sourpatch Kids, Snickers, and Reese’s candy from any drug or food store. Just remember, all of these items are under a $1 a piece, so you should be able to stock up just nicely, and you’ll blend in well with the other people in the theater.

Think about it, everyone will be eating the same thing, but you’ll be able to pat yourself on the back for not spending almost $5 for a box of Milk Duds. Next, visit your local McDonald’s, and if you live in the States, there should be one on every corner. Go directly to the dollar menu, and stock up on burgers, fries, but don’t get a drink, I’ll talk about that later on. If you like hot dogs, then go to your nearest hot dog stand and get the biggest dog you can find for no more than $2.

I would suggest tacos, but with all that crunching going on, you will look and sound conspicuous in the theater, and someone might rat you out. Chips, you can get anywhere, but if you must have movie theater popcorn for the cheapest price, this is what you should do. Get yourself some microwave popcorn, pop it, melt some butter, put in on top, and you’re set.

Throw in some gummy worms, or orange slices, shake it up, put in a brown bag, and you’re good to go. Now for drinks, any kind goes, however, stick to the 16 fl oz plastic bottles. Cans make too much noise when opened, and let’s say that you drink some and have half of a can left, then suddenly in comes a nosy usher down your isle, and you have to hide your drink, what are you going to do? Now if you have the plastic bottle and its only half full, put the top back on it so that you can immediately shove it into your purse or a coat if you need to. 

Don’t forget to try this technique at the dollar show to save even more money. I used to do this all the time at the Dollar Theater near my home. I wonder if that’s why they went out of business?

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27. January 2008 by Ria.

Oh, the torture. I’m not talking about the victims in this movie, I’m talking about me! This is the absolute worst of the Saw Movies made so far, it just goes to show you how Hollywood writers will let a good movie sequel go down the tubes for the sake of a buck. The beginning scene was okay, when the medical examiners were doing an autopsy on Jigsaw.

Blood and guts everywhere, wonderful. I thought bats and words symbolizing formulas (like emc2= pi, or the square root of something or another) were going to fly out of his head when it was split open for the second time. No, they find a microcassette inside the stomach, and they play it. Hey, IT’S JIGSAW TRYING TO SING A MEL TORME TUNE? No, not quite, it’s just more crap about how his work will continue and blah blah blah. Really? I didn’t know there were a lot of serial killers/engineers signing up to go into business with him. Did he place an ad in the paper or something?

The next scene is just more torture. A blind, and a mute man chained in one of Jigsaw’s trap of death. How brutal, but don’t worry, I had my Frank Sinatra songs standing by once again to heal me from the traumatic event. Next scene, detective Kerry from Saw III is found dead, caught in another Jigsaw trap, and Lieutenant Riggs (Lyriq Bent) is pissed off, and decides to become vigiliant. In other words, another police officer plays hero and pays dearly as a result of not being able to think outside the box and outsmart Jigsaw.

Riggs goes home, and gets knocked out by someone. Lets say he was out for about five hours give or take an hour, ’cause trust me, he wasn’t unconscious for a full day!. He wakes up in a tub, goes into his living room, and finds a lady seated in a Jigsaw trap that starts pulling her hair out. There are also numerous pictures hanging about, and a video monitor showing Detective Matthews (of the Wahlberg clan) hanging over a couple blocks of ice.

Okay, wait, back up a second. How in the hell did Mr. Killer get all that stuff inside Rigg’s apartment within a five hour time span with no one noticing? Remember, Riggs lives in an apartment complex. See, if Jigsaw recruited me, and I found out that moving heavy equipment up and down stairs was in the job description, I would have to resign. Well, first I would say, “Okay Jigsaw, I want $50,000 up front, and another $20,000 if I throw my back out as a result of lifting this crap. Oh yeah, I also want an extra $100,000 to pay for my lawyer, just in case I get caught.”

Next, where was the victim while Mr. Killer was planting the torture device? Let’s just say she was tied up somewhere, and now the two of them were on her way to Riggs home. Was she gagged, blindfolded, and held at gunpoint as she trekked her way into the apartment complex?

Did no one not notice this? Moving forward, Riggs snapps out of it, rescues the victim from the trap, but not before she’s totally messed up, and she tries to kill him! Riggs finds another tape, and he falls right into Jigsaw’s scheme. Riggs will try to rescue Matthews on his own, and everyone will suffer because of it. End of Story.

Oh yeah, I can’t forget about the scenes that go back in time when Jigsaw was sane, and married (a fool born every minute) a woman named Jill (Betsy Russell). She was pregnant with his child, but a drug addict slammed a door into her stomach, she lost the baby, and I guess he just lost it. Not only does this not make sense, but three sequels later, who really gives a damn? I want to close this review by telling you that a police buddy, Detective Hoffman is Jigsaw’s successor, Mr. Killer as I’ve named him. I have only one thing to say to that guy, I HOPE JIGSAW IS PAYING YOU A LOT OF MONEY!

Now I have real proof Jigsaw is retarded! Click on the link below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j0os9Yd434

Saw IV (Unrated Full Screen Edition)

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27. January 2008 by Ria.

This movie stars the suave detective John Ferguson (James Stuart), nicknamed Scottie. Now Scottie has acrophobia (fear of heights) as a result of watching a fellow police officer fall to his death, while making a desperate attempt to save him. This extreme case of acrophobia causes dizziness, or in other words, vertigo. Scottie retires from police work and spends a lot of his time hanging out at his friend Midge’s (Barbara Bel Geddes) home.

As a result of extreme boredom (I suppose), he lets Midge know that he’s still “available” but she doesn’t take him up on his offer. She’s going to regret that decision because in comes woman #2, Crazy Madeline (Kim Novak). Madeline’s husband Gavin (Tom Helmore) hires Scottie to follow her because she’s turning into a space Cadette, and he’s afraid that she might try to commit suicide. Madeline is obsessed with a woman named Carlotta Valdes who killed herself over a hundred years ago.

Madeline is really strange, she loves hanging around Carlotta’s grave and seems to possess the personality of an end table, but hey, she’s good looking, so who cares, she has Scottie’s complete attention. Yes, I know he was paid to follow her, but trust me, he enjoyed every minute of it. Next, she travels to the Golden Gate Bridge, and jumps into the San Francisco Bay, where Scottie directly follows in an attempt to rescue her.

See, this is another time where looks come into play. If it was a woman with average to below average looks who jumped into the Bay, Scottie would have thrown her a stick, or what do you call those things, the balloon with a hole in it, life preservers? Yeah, that’s it, he would have thrown her a life preserver, and said, “Hold on, let me go get someone to help fish you out!”

Okay, so Madeline and Scottie fall in love and kiss, sorry Midge, you had your chance. Maybe you should go visit the nearest spa and get a face lift or something, I don’t know. Anyway, back to the love birds, Scottie takes Crazy Madeline to San Juan Bautista, so that she can overcome her nightmares, but she decides to turn into a full blown emo by running into the bell tower, climbing the stairs, and jumping to her death. Poor Scottie, He tried to save her, but remember, he has vertigo, and couldn’t quite make it all the way up the stairs, now he’s devastated and is placed in a mental hospital.

Over a woman that he only knew for a couple of days? Wow. Maybe I should visit a spa and get a facial overhaul or something. Eventually Scottie snaps out of it, sort of. Well, he’s walking the streets again, but he’s going to the places he and Madeline used to hang out at, not a good idea. He finally spots Judy, a woman who has Madeline’s features, but she’s a brunette (in contrast to Madeline who was platinum blonde), but that’s okay, because he has plans to give her a major image overhaul, and follows her to her apartment. 

Judy, with her tough inner city chick mannerisms (in contrast to Madeline’s suburban la-de-da-ness), tells Scottie to buzz off, until he tells her that he’ll take care of her. Uh oh, I’m sure she saw imaginary dollar signs floating in front of her eyes after hearing that! She was probably saying to herself, “Wow, that means I can get him to pay my rent, my phone bill, all my charge cards, then I can finally quit my job at the department store” which she eventually does, I’m assuming, so that she can hang out with Scottie all day and night.

No, I’m just joking around, Judy really does has feelings for him, but she’s harboring a secret. She is Madeline, well the Madeline that Scottie fell in love with, because the real Madeline is dead. Remember Gavin? If not, then you need to go back and read paragraph one, keep up with me, okay? He is the guy that hired Scottie to follow Madeline, his wife, who is also very rich.

Well, you know how some marriages go, he got tired of her, and instead of throwing her out on her butt, and going through a messy divorce, he decided, “Why bother with all that hassle when I can just kill her, and keep all the money”,so he starts thinking of a plan to murder her, and cover his tracks. So he hires Judy (who was also his mistress at the time) and made her over so that she could look like Madeline who was stashed somewhere out of the way until the day she was pushed from the bell tower. 

The plan was brilliant because Madeline never came to town much, so Judy was able to take over the role with ease. Scottie was bought in the mix to corroborate the fact that Madeline jumped, given her earlier suicidal behavior as he followed her around, and remember, because of his vertigo, he wasn’t able to climb to the top of the stairs, to find out that the real Madeline was pushed by her husband, to her death, who afterwards dumped Judy, and then probably ran off to the Bermuda to enjoy his new life.

I could go on, but this is supposed to a review, not a book, but I will tell you that eventually Scottie finds all this out, because Judy keeps a necklace that she was wearing while portraying Madeline. Confused? I think you should just watch the movie, and you will also find out that Judy loses her life at that same tower. Did Scottie push her? Maybe, maybe not. Alfred Hitchcock is awesome, isn’t he?

Click on this link and watch Scottie check out Judy in character as Madeline!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTm17npIYzo

Now, click on this link to see Scottie follow Madeline!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DMvyVnSfI0

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