6. January 2008 by Ria.

Let me just tell you a little bit about myself, and my site. I started this blog with the intention of giving you hilarious reviews about movies from the present, and past. However, lately I’ve taken on more of an Japanese Anime niche, with an occasional movie review here and there. The anime and movies that I review is not some comical act that I put on, this is how I really think (uh,oh) and these are the things that I say to people when they ask my opinion about movies. Now you probably want to ask me, “Ria, why are you so crazy?” Well, you know how it is, some people are just dealt a bad hand in life, but don’t worry, I’ve learned to deal with such things.

Maybe I was dropped on my head when I was little, actually, I’ve had visions of standing on a crate or something of the sort, and then someone pulled it from under me, then boom! I fell, hit my head, and blacked out. Now, I can’t tell you if that really happened, all I know is that I’ve had images running around in my mind. I’m not making this up, and I can prove it, for I have told friends about this experience. Hold on, let me get one of them to confirm it.

FRIEND: LISTEN TO WHAT RIA’S SAYING. SHE IS TELLING THE TRUTH!

See? Now that I’ve taken care of that, I want you to know a few things. This site was launched the first week in January ‘08, so don’t expect to see an enormous collection of reviews right away, but remember, I work on my site daily to bring in new reviews, as well as other crazy articles. A lot of my reviews contains spoilers, but c’mon, it’s on DVD for Pete’s sake, which means it’s been through the movie theaters, and has already had tons of reviews by others. I just offer you a different take on it, through the eyes of a mad woman.

I’ve seen tons of movies over my lifetime, unfortunately I won’t be able to list them all here. I try to keep current with the movies just released on DVD in the past couple months, and I may go back a few years if I’ve seen a really great movie, or if the newly released movie is a sequel, then I’ll write reviews about it, and possibly the original as well, no matter how far back I have to go.

I am also a fan of B & W movies, so I will go back, way back, to movies made in the forties and fifties, so if you are intrigued, please check out the classics section.  Please send all suggestions, comments, and questions to me by e-mailing me at crazygirl@riarentalreviews.com. Thanks!

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6. January 2008 by Ria.

I know, a lot of jaws probably dropped because I rated this movie 2 stars. Okay, so I’m a little biased because Shia came to my town (Chicago) in November, and started some stuff. He acted poorly in his brief stint at Walgreens, and duplicated that performance in this movie.  First of all, this 2007 thriller is supposed to be influenced by the film Rear Window, but there’s no way in the world Disturbia can touch the 1954 classic.

Enough of that, let me get into Disturbia here, Kale (Shia LaBeouf), and father (Matt Craven) go fishing together, then boom! Car crash, father dies, next scene please. A year later, Kale is still an emotional mess from the father’s death, and ends up beating the hell out of his Spanish teacher who called him out in class for falling asleep. As a result, Kale ends up on a 3 month house arrest, and has to wear an ankle monitor which stops him from going anywhere beyond his back yard.

After mom (Carrie-Anne Moss) cancelled the X-Box, and I-tunes, he killed himself. No, just joking (even though elimination of these two luxuries would prompt some unstable people to do so). Actually, Kale is just left to sit in his house, scoping the surrounding neighbors. He leers at the one teenage girl, Ashley (Sarah Roemer), and this annoys me, because part of the plot is tied into his crush on Ashley. How am I supposed to take Kale seriously when he is going foo-foo over some girl?

When she visited him one night after he tried to spoil her backyard party, in an attempt to gain sympathy, he ends up running down the complete dossier on her after he’s been spying on her with binoculars! And she falls for it! Ashley kisses him because she is just so flattered, but why? Can’t she do better? How far does she think she going to go with a juvenille delinquent?

What happened to that guy she was hugging on at her party? He should have come in and dotted Kale in the eye to spice up that scene up a little bit. Ashley should have been able to figure Kale out immediately, and put him in his place to give the audience some real entertainment.

That section of the movie was dull, and bored me to tears. Eventually we get to the crazy psycho neighbor Turner (David Morse) whom Kale suspects is a wandering serial killer from Austin, Texas, because he fits the description, and comes home with a dented fender. This too is unbelievable (Yes, I know this is Hollywood, and everything goes, but c’mon!) As a former fan of all the forensic file shows, I can tell you that the typical serial killer is usually on the run, or deep in hiding, not living in a typical middle class neighborhood, ESPECIALLY IF THE MEDIA ALREADY HAVE A DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF THEM!

Now see, this is what I have a hard time with. Kale is the so-called-bad-boy, and he should have done it, ’cause if I was his friend, and he asked me to do it, I would have just laughed in his face and left. I’m just saying, it would have made the story more interesting if Kale defied all authority, and did his own thing, kind of like a Matt Borne. All he would have to do is hide out somewhere, like in Ashley’s basement or something, just long enough to catch the bad guy, and he would be cleared, but noooooooo! Hollywood takes the dumb approach, and I don’t like it.

Anyway, back to the story. Ronnie goofs up, and leaves his cell phone in the car. He goes back to get it, finds a body bag, suddenly disappears, Kale gets scared, call the cops to report Turner, who is then cleared later on when everyone finds out that the body bag contained a deer. Kale’s mom goes over to talk to Turner, and in the meantime, Kale is still being nosy, but this time he actually finds the dead body of the woman Turner brought home a few days earlier, then all hell breaks loose.

Kale goes looking for mom, Ashley goes looking for the police (she should have stopped at the nearest Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks), an officer shows up at the Turner home and is killed, Kale falls into a pool of dead bodies, Julie comes back and stabs Turner in the leg, while Kale delivers the final blow with gardening shears.

In the final scene, Kale gets the ankle monitor removed, and he is officially off of house arrest. He also gets the girl, again. You see, I watched Transformers and Disturbia back to back, and I can’t believe with all of this raw genuis running around hollywood, no writer could pick a better ending for either one of both of these movies. I have a better ending for this movie. Kale reaches over to give Ashley a kiss, and she pushes him away and tells him now that he is off house arrest, to go get a job!

Disturbia (Widescreen Edition)

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